just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
