The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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