New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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