Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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