I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
