you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
