Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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