I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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