but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
