I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
