There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
