Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
