I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
