Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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