and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
