Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
