I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
