idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The uberlube is also flammable
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
