singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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