how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
