I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
