I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
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