His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
