he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
