Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
