please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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