the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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