I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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