I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can I color on your dick again?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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