Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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