You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
