im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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