Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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