Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
