um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
