mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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