I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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