eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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