Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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