No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
