Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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