No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize