Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
