Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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