It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She even gives head with a lisp.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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