I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
