I want to have your abortion
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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