we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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