i barfeds in our rink
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
