do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
