so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My dick has a subreddit
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
