You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
