So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
