I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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