I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
