I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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