This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
