Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
