forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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