She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
