i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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