You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
