god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
