Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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