haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
mondays should just be called national damage control day
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
