My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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