i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
