I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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