that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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