Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
