You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
