Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
