Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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