Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
