I'm going to jail i love you
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
