A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
