Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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