I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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