First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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