So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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