How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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