I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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