I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
