Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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